


Between Pains

by PrinceofBadassery



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt Bucky, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scars, Tumblr: imaginetonyandbucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-24 05:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14349063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceofBadassery/pseuds/PrinceofBadassery
Summary: ITAB prompt fill for: "imagine tony removing bucky's metal arm because it's hurting him and bucky being really insecure about his shoulder and being armless so tony does his best to show bucky how sexy and handsome and beautiful he thinks bucky is, with or without the arm"





	1. Chapter 1

"Bucky! Sunshine! Love of my life, how is my favorite super-soldier doing?" Tony strolled into the room, flopped onto the couch and latched onto Bucky's arm, the tiny wince his boyfriend made didn't escape him. "Something wrong?" He rubbed his face against Bucky's shoulder feeling the cool and smooth metal on his cheek.

"Nah, babe just got startled. How is my favorite genius?" Bucky leaned down and pecked Tony's lips, then went back to the science magazine he was reading.

"My head is feeling like it's about to explode, finished the new repulsors though, and I added the handles to the suit I've been talking about, so you can hang on more easily when you fly with me." Tony snuggled closer and tried to wrap his entire body around the cold metal appendage and Bucky tensed slightly. He did stretch the arm out though so Tony could cling on to it better. It really was no secret that Tony loved the arm and maybe he displayed that love a little too often, to Bucky's annoyance.

Tony sneaked a hand up to Bucky's neck and started tangling the small hairs there around his finger. "Why are you reading about possible black holes produced in the Large Hadron Collider?"

Bucky chuckled. "Because not everybody is a fucking genius who magically knows about every possible subject on earth."

"Excuse me, it's called research, not magic. I'm offended." Tony huffed and crawled over his boyfriend like a clingy spider, causing Bucky to put down the magazine. A paper magazine of all things, like he didn't have a perfectly fine tablet with subscriptions to every science magazine on earth. Where did he even get that from? He cupped Bucky's face with both of his hands and smooshed his cheeks, looking him deep into the eyes. "You take that back! My genius got nothing to do with magic, those three PhDs didn't write themselves."

Bucky didn't take back anything and just stuck out his tongue between his squished cheeks looking absolutely adorable. Tony couldn't hold the stare for long while looking at that face, he burst into laughter, then proceeded to ravish his boyfriend until they were just a bundle of limbs and covers.

\----

Robots were on the loose again, as they were about once a week. This time they were coming from the sewers and Bucky and Clint had little to no sniping to do so they joined the ground crew this time. Tony was in the air, tracking the robots under the surface and predicting their next exit point. They had split into teams to cover more ground and Tony gave the closest team - Bucky and Steve - a warning when he saw another five robots approaching their location.

The fight was going well, the robot herds were thinning and collateral damage was being kept to a minimum for once. Tony was flying another round, checking on the teams and it was pure luck that he witnessed how Bucky was hit by one of the robots. He blocked the punch with his metal arm, standing his ground for a moment but then was thrown back against a parked car. He crumbled to the ground as Steve swooped in and decapitated the robot with his shield.

Bucky wasn't unconscious, that much Tony could see, but he wasn't getting up as fast as Tony would have liked either, he was holding his left shoulder. After a moment Steve was at his side and pulled him up and he seemed alright again after dusting himself off. Tony decided to open a private com channel.

"You alright, sunshine?"

Bucky looked up and they made eye contact, as good as one could make eye contact when one was wearing a metal helmet and the other opaque goggles and a mask. "Yeah, fucker was tougher than I thought, don't worry."

Tony did worry though and when everybody was rounded up after the fight and back in the Quinjet he approached Bucky, who was absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder, having taking off his armored jacket. He looked up when he noticed Tony and smiled.

"Hey, babe."

"Everything alright? Is the arm okay?" Tony had left the suit in the back of the jet and let himself drop into Bucky's lap when the other opened his arms for him, he didn't miss how Bucky's smile faltered a little when he mentioned the arm. Something was definitely not right.

"Arm's working perfectly, just a couple of bruises on the fleshy bits." Bucky's chuckle sounded a bit forced to Tony, but it might have been Tony's imagination. To appease his paranoia he would have to run a few tests the next couple of days, just to make sure the arm was fine. It was still mostly HYDRA tech with a few of Tony's upgrades. Tony knew the arm inside and out, knew there was nothing that could harm Bucky in any way, no hidden switches or poison or anything, but technology could fail no matter how advanced it was and some of the pieces in Bucky's arm were certainly several decades old by this point.

\-----

"Okay, stop."

Bucky flinched and quickly pulled his sweater over his left shoulder. "Stop what?" He was sitting cross-legged on the bed and had been poking at his shoulder where the metal arm attached until Tony had come in.

"Stop pretending everything is okay." Tony swept into the room and built himself up in front of Bucky

"What?" Bucky looked, for what it's worth, like a puppy that got caught with his nose in the treat bag.

"The arm's hurting you," Tony said matter-of-factly and Bucky looked away.

"No, it's fine."

"I said stop! I can clearly see it, the way you flinch when you do an unexpected movement, you barely use it when you think nobody is looking and you keep holding your shoulder. You're hurting."

Bucky squared his jaw, looking defiant. "The arm is fine, you ran tests last week."

"I know the arm is fine." Tony sat down next to Bucky's right, placing an arm around his boyfriend. "But you are not. I've seen what this thing is doing to you, I see the bruises aren't fading. Your improved healing can't keep up with the damage the arm is causing to your system. At this point, the damage might be permanent. I think it's time we replace it."

"No." Bucky stood up so fast Tony almost lost his balance and toppled off the bed. "I couldn't do any more missions! I'd be useless, no, I don't... I can't, Tony, I can't!" Bucky turned away, breathing heavily, he had wrapped his good arm around himself, holding the metal arm awkwardly. The first admission to the pain he was in.

Tony stood up and approached his boyfriend slowly. "It would only be for a few weeks until I can finish the replacement."

Bucky sucked in a shaky breath. "Can't you finish the replacement first?"

"Not like this. Maybe if you told me when this first started, but now... This is hurting you too much, Bucky." Tony carefully placed a calming hand on Bucky's shoulder who still didn't look at him. "Besides, I need the arm in the lab with me to get the fitting perfect anyway, certain parts I can't replace. The entire artificial nervous system that translates your nerve signals into movement would take months to develop. Even if I had an entire new arm ready to go now, and trust me, I'd rather I did, I could kick my ass for not noticing sooner, you'd be without it for a couple of days minimum." Tony felt soft tremors running through Bucky's body under his palm and he moved closer, enveloping him in a hug.

As soon as his arms surrounded Bucky, the other man broke. He buried his face against Tony's shoulder, shaking his head vigorously. Tony stayed were he was, holding his boyfriend and riding out the waves of the break down that followed. He could not let this go any further, he could not stand seeing Bucky in pain, Bucky needed to heal.

In the end, Bucky agreed and they scheduled the surgery for the next week.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony got started right away. As soon as he had the arm in his hands he went down to his lab and started taking it apart. He wanted to have the new arm finished as soon as possible so Bucky didn't have to wait longer than necessary. He knew how important it was for Bucky to be "functional" and being without the prosthesis was going to be hard for him. Tony had JARVIS have an eye on the medical wing and the AI would notify him once Bucky was out of surgery and in recovery. He would head up as soon as there were any signs of him waking up and then would be athis boyfriend's side.

Taking the arm apart was a delicate process. Tony had worked countless hours on it while it had been attached to Bucky but he still had to be careful to not damage any part that he needed to reuse. It felt incredibly weird and alienating to Tony to have the arm lying on the table. Disconnected and unmoving.

The jagged edges that had been buried in Bucky's shoulder only an hour earlier were looking angrily at him. The medical team had washed off the blood but even without it he needed no imagination to see how the artifical muscles had been clamped into Bucky's flesh and had torn it open over and over again with every movement only for Bucky's body to heal itself just as many times. The pieces that had been screwed to Bucky's bones were bent from where the surgeon had pried them off. It was a horrible sight and Tony didn't know how he was going to build a functioning arm that didn't rely on these brutal measures to attach it to a human, but he had to try.

He had to try for Bucky and he had to succeed. As soon as possible.

Taking the arm apart was the easy part, piece by piece he disassembled it and categorized the parts into reusable and to be replaced or improved categories while simultaneously letting JARVIS run calculation on how much strain Bucky's residual limb could take, which there was none to speak of as Bucky basically had a forequarter amputation at this point. HYDRA had made sure of that, over the years they had cut off more and more of Bucky's arm to fit new prosthetic arms to their 'weapon'. Bucky's original amputation had only been mid-humerus, but now there was basically nothing left. No wonder they had to resort to screwing metal directly to his ribs to anker the heavy arm to something.

Weight was another issue and Tony let calculations run for that as well. The arm needed to be lighter but also have the same durability and strength as before. (Or more, Tony figured.)

Tony was engrossed in the work, rage at HYDRA was an amazing motivator and when JARVIS spoke up he didn't hear it at first.

"Sir, Sergeant Barnes is awake. Sir? Mr. Stark?"

"Huh, JARVIS, finished the calculations?"

"No, Sir, but you wanted to be notified when Sergeant Barnes was awake and he has been for several minutes now - "

Tony dropped his tools instantly and was out of the door within seconds.

Two minutes later he burst through the door of Bucky's hospital room to find Steve sitting next to Bucky's bed and Bucky himself fast asleep.

"He was only awake for a few minutes. They have him drugged up pretty good." Steve was holding Bucky's remaining hand, stroking it lightly.

Tony stepped closer to the bed and swallowed hard. Bucky looked so small. He was almost covered up to his chin with the blanket but it was obvious how much of Bucky's left side was missing without the metal arm. It was like something big had taken a bite out of his shoulder. The gown they had put on him just dropped off not far away from his neck and then sloped down to his ribcage. Even with the heavy bandaging the hole the arm had left looked huge and Tony suddenly doubted if they had made the right decision. Was he going to be able to fix this?

"He asked for you, Tony," Steve said and Tony was pretty sure the Captain hadn't meant for it to sound accusatory but that's what it felt like.

"I'm working on the new arm. JARVIS called me as soon as he woke up, guess I wasn't fast enough." Tony reached out and pushed a few loose strands of hair away from Bucky's face then lightly stroked his cheek. Even in his sleep Bucky looked exhausted, not only had the operation been a 4-hour long ordeal, but all the months Bucky had tortured himself with the hurting arm had added up to this. Tony found a new determination to make this right. He leaned down to press a kiss to Bucky's forehead and then pulled back.

"I'm going back to work. I'll be back when he wakes up again." He said.

"He'll hopefully be awake a little longer. I think he really needs to see you."

"Of course. I'll be there." Tony turned to leave.

"And Tony," Steve called him back. "You look like shit, maybe you should rest."

Tony scoffed. "Bucky's off way worse and the fast I can fix this the better it is for him."

He returned to the lab and continued work, he analyzed the scans from the doctors and estimated how much tissue he would have to work with. Bucky's healing factor was a hit or miss sometimes, it wasn't as consistent as Steve's and more or less worked in bursts. Maybe that had been intentional from HYDRA or his body had adapted from the constant change between battle wounds and long periods of rest during the time in cryostasis. In any case, Tony hoped it would kick into over-gear and heal Bucky fast.

Tony made the new shoulder piece a top priority in his work, for now, if necessary he could assemble the rest of the arm within a few hours and upgrade that later piece by piece as they had done before but the point where flesh met metal had to be worked out perfectly.

He still had a few ideas to try out, including mixing some nanites with the regenerative technology developed by Doctor Cho when JARVIS announced that Bucky was awake again.

When Tony burst through the door this time Bucky turned his head and looked at him. Steve was still at his side, holding his hand. A weak smile graced Bucky's lips when he saw Tony and Tony was at his side in an instant.

"Hey, babe, how are you feeling?" Tony asked and cupped Bucky's face carefully with one hand.

"Chewed up." Bucky made a tiny movement and winced. "Like one of those badly animated sharks from those weird movies took a bite out of me." He managed a crooked grin. Bucky slowly pulled his hand out of Steve's and brought it up to Tony's face.

Steve got up and gave Tony a soft pat on the shoulder. "I'll leave you two alone for a moment, yell if you need anything."

Bucky slowly traced his fingertips over Tony's cheek, his eyes trailing over Tony's face. "You weren't here earlier."

Tony took Bucky's hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the cold fingers one by one. "I know, I was in the lab, JARVIS notified me in but you were out again when I got here. I'm sorry. I'm working on the new arm. So it's ready as soon as possible."

There was a moment where hurt flashed across Bucky's face but it was gone so fast Tony was certain he imagined it. "Thanks, doll," Bucky mumbled and then pulled his hand back. "Can you get me some water?" He looked to the nightstand where a glass and a water bottle stood.

"Of course." Tony rounded the bed and prepared a glass, then slowly and gently helped Bucky lift his head and drink a few sips. Even the small movement caused Bucky a lot of pain and he was relieved when he could sink back into the pillows.

"Gonna sleep some more, babe," Bucky whispered, already closing his eyes.

"Sure, you need it." Tony leaned down and pressed a kiss to Bucky's lips with no response. Bucky was already asleep again.

Tony quietly left the room and gestured for Steve to go back inside. He would go back to the lab and work. Work until he was ready to give Bucky a new pain-free life.

\---

Over the next couple of days, Tony visited Bucky whenever he was awake and would go back to work in the lab when Bucky was sleeping. Bucky slept a lot, they were pumping him full of pain medications that did their part of keeping him in a doozy state and his body had a lot of recovering to do. Steve was with him almost all the time and when he wasn't to take a quick nap himself, someone else from the team was there. Tony was glad that there was always someone familiar with Bucky when he woke up, he would have wished he could be there every single time but he could not split himself into two, although he had considered moving Bucky's hospital bed to the lab. He had quickly discarded the thought, the doctors would have quickly found a reason or two why that was not a good idea whatsoever.

After a few days, Bucky could stay awake longer than a few minutes at a time and was allowed to sit up. Still heavily medicated he was a little loopy most of the time and had trouble balancing, but he was pain-free. The other team members visited him regularly and brought him his favorite treats, mostly cookies, and chocolate, while Steve still stayed with him most of the time. Tony came up to visit after Natasha, Clint and Bruce had left the party and Bucky was resting again. Steve left the room to give them some private time like before and Tony sat in Steve's chair and took Bucky's hand.

"How are you feeling, Buckeroo?"

"Better, kinda light and I feel like I've got a giant hole in my shoulder and keep thinking I can still move the arm, doctor's say it's normal even though I didn't have a real arm in 70 years. I got so used to the metal one that I get phantom limb sensations anyway. Weird, huh?" Bucky smiled wistfully, but then frowned and sighed. "I feel so fucking useless."

Tony squeezed his hand. "Not weird. It was your arm, after all, you couldn't feel it but you did have spacial awareness with it and you felt its weight too. That's missing now, but I'm working on it." Tony told him proudly, hoping to cheer Bucky up. "I've got most of it figured out and ready to assemble, but unfortunately I haven't got a solution for the most crucial part yet."

"And that would be?"

"The connection to your body. I'm still testing out a few ideas to make it as comfortable as possible for you but so that you can still retain all the strength you had before. I'm thinking that some kind of nano wiring is probably the best solution. It would interweave with the remaining muscle instead of clamping onto it and replace the missing part. It would repair it, essentially becoming part of it. I am sure I can achieve better mobility and reaction time with this method as well. The whole new and improved nano-muscle would be able to transfer signals instead of just a single wire that's jacked into your nervous system. It's going to be so much better."

Tony grinned excitedly and scooted closer to the bed with the chair. Bucky, however, had his brows drawn in confusion. "I thought you said you would keep the artificial nerves, I can't follow your tech-babble, Tony."

"That was the first plan, but then I had a second and a third plan that were much better and at this point, I don't know which plan number I am on but it's going to be good. I am going to take the artificial nervous system and improve it."

"But... you said that would take months."

Tony waved his hand. "Don't worry, as I said, I've got a plan. I can't tell you how long it's going to take but I will work as fast as possible as long as the coffee machine in the lab doesn't break. If that happens I might have to ask the doctors here to hook me up to a caffeine IV."

Bucky still looked uncertain and deep in thoughts. Tony gave him the lightest punch on his good shoulder. "Come on, aren't you excited?"

Bucky looked up and smiled. "Of course, it's just... the meds make me woozy, doll, and those clowns earlier tired me out." He reached up and stroked Tony's cheek. "Come here." He cupped Tony's face and ever so slightly pulled him closer. Tony was only too happy to oblige and leaned in, kissing Bucky softly.

"I'll leave you to your beauty sleep then, sunshine. The knight in the star-spangled armor is going to watch over you." Tony said and then pressed another kiss to Bucky's forehead.

Bucky huffed sleepily and then closed his eyes. Tony stayed for another moment and pushed back Bucky's hair so it was out of his face before he left. He had a short chat with Steve outside the hospital room and then left for the lab again.

\-----

After a week Bucky was already doing pretty well and they were weaning him off the meds. He was allowed to walk around but not to leave the hospital wing. Tony was just on his way to visit him again and burst through the door as usual to find not only Bucky and Steve but also a doctor and two nurses who were standing around the bed.

Bucky pulled the blanket up to cover himself and now Tony noticed what he had walked in on. Bucky wasn't wearing a hospital gown and most of the bandages were gone. Tony couldn't help but stare at the massive amount of scars that had formed on Bucky's shoulder. He shouldn't have been surprised with the number of skin grafts needed to just cover the hole left by the metal arm but seeing it like this was something else. Black stitches against angry red flesh. Bucky's skin looked almost raw.

"Get out!"

Bucky's voice made him look up and into his boyfriend's face and he realized he had been staring with his mouth hanging open. Bucky looked devasted, he still tried to cover his shoulder with the blanket but the nurses were keeping him from fully hiding it from view. "Sergeant Barnes, please keep still."

"You don't need to see this," Bucky said pleadingly and finally Tony's brain registered that Bucky didn't want him in the room right now.

Tony left the room and closed the door behind him, stunned. He wasn't sure if he should wait until the doctor and the nurses left or if he should come back later. Tony didn't know why Bucky didn't want him in the room, it wasn't like he hadn't seen Bucky's scars before. And Steve was with him in the room and that hadn't bothered him....

Tony went to the lab.


	3. Chapter 3

A few days after Tony walked in on Bucky having a bandage change Bucky was allowed to leave and go back to his own room, he had to come back to the medical wing every day for a checkup and he had to keep the IV for his pain medication, because the cocktail of painkillers they used didn't come in pill form. But other than that he was free to do whatever he wanted, except go on mission or train.

Tony almost missed the moment if JARVIS hadn't told him very pointedly to stop working and go back to their shared bedroom and prepare for Bucky's return.

Thankfully JARVIS had ordered the chocolates, massage oil and a nice comfy sweater that was extremely fluffy on the inside and had a grumpy cat picture on the front and Tony just had to unpack and drape himself across the bed in just his underwear and that red robe that Bucky loved so much. He was very excited when he heard Bucky being welcomed by the other team members outside like he had been gone for a month and hadn't just been a few floors below them. He couldn't blame them, he felt the same way although for him Bucky had been a few floors above as Tony had spent most of the time in the lab and had even slept there most days.

"Welcome home, Sunshine!" Tony greeted the unsuspecting Bucky when he opened the door and was rewarded with a wonderful grin on Bucky's face.

"Hey, babe, I didn't think you would be here." Bucky dropped the small bag he was carrying next to the bed and toed off his shoes then sat down on the bed. He was wearing one of his comfy sweaters and had tugged the empty left sleeve into the front pocket so it wasn't dangling. After a moment of hesitation, he picked out one of the chocolates from the box that Tony had placed directly in front of him.

"Why wouldn't I be here?" Tony rolled onto his stomach and got on all fours. He stretched seductively and fished the massage oil from the dresser with two fingers, dangling it in front of Bucky. "I wanted to pamper you after your hospital stay and since you shouldn't do any /strenuous/ activities I thought I could give you a nice long massage so you can relax. What do you say?"

"Is that plum scented?"

"Of course. Only the best for my boyfriend. What do you say?" Tony rolled back onto his back, wiggling his body around, trying to entice Bucky.

Bucky looked away and stayed silent, he was hanging his head, his shoulders were hunched and Tony slowly started to realize that something was wrong.

"Bucky?" Tony said softly, he sat up again and scooted to the edge to sit next to him. He gently laid a hand on Bucky's back and felt how the other tensed immediately. It reminded Tony of the early days of their relationship when Bucky hadn't been used to human contact and had flinched away at every touch. "What's wrong? Are you hurting? Do you need anything?" Maybe he had been released from the hospital wing too early.

Bucky shook his head and hunched down even further, his right hand went up to his left shoulder. "You don't have to do this, Tony." He said almost inaudibly.

"Do what, Bucky?" Tony leaned closer, trying to get a look at Bucky's face.

"All of this, you don't have to pretend that you want me."

"What?" Tony was dumbfounded. "What do you mean? Of course, I still want you. What are you talking about?" Tony touched Bucky's shoulder carefully and tried to turn him towards him, reluctantly Bucky followed and glanced up. "Care to explain what is going on?"

Bucky shook his head.

"Please?" Tony begged, rubbing Bucky's shoulder and when Bucky didn't respond he trailed his hand down Bucky's arm and grabbed his hand in both of his, that made Bucky finally look up. His eyes were wet and he looked miserable.

"You love the arm." Bucky finally said and that didn't help Tony understand any further.

"And it's not attached to me anymore." He continued and slowly, very slowly it dawned on Tony what Bucky was getting at.

"You think the arm is the reason I love you?" Tony asked and he tried not to be mad, how could Bucky think that way?

Bucky nodded and looked away.

"No... no. Bucky, how can you think that? Is it because I spend so much time in the lab?"

Bucky nodded again, his face scrunched up in anguish and he pulled his hand away from Tony's to wipe his eyes. "I'm useless like this. I'm ugly, my shoulder is just a bunch of scars. You've got no reason to be with me anymore and you don't have to pretend that you love me. I'm useless... so fucking useless... I-"

Tony stopped Bucky short by pressing his lips to his. Bucky pulled back surprised, his eyes wide. "What..."

"Stop talking, Sunshine, I love you, arm or no arm, you are beautiful to me no matter what. The only reason I spent so much time in the lab was for you. I wanted to finish the arm so you could be happy again. I didn't want to see you suffer anymore, I didn't want you to be in pain, Bucky. I love you."

Bucky looked at him, his bottom lip trembling and tears falling from his eyes.

"Please, believe me, Bucky." Tony cupped Bucky's face and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "Say something... please." He searched Bucky's face for anything that indicated that he did.

Bucky was frozen.

"Sunshine? Babe?"

Then Bucky closed his eyes and leaned forward, a sob wrecked his body and Tony opened his arms to hold him. Bucky grabbed for something to hold at Tony's chest and found the edge of the robe and dug his fingers in. His head came to a rest on Tony's shoulder.

"Shhh, Bucky, it's okay."

Bucky cried, rubbing his face against Tony's neck. "I thought...," he hiccupped. "I thought, you loved the arm...and now without it..." Another bout of hiccups interrupted him.

Tony stroked Bucky's hair with one hand and kept one hand on Bucky's back. The other man was trembling against him. "Is that why you sent me away during the bandage change that one time?"

Tony felt Bucky nod against his neck. "It's ugly and disgusting. I didn't want you to see... to see me like that."

"Oh Bucky, I never minded your scars, you know that, how often did I give you a massage when they were making you uncomfortable, or just because? I love every inch of you."

"I thought... because of the arm," Bucky mumbled. "I mean... when I thought back... I thought." He made a pitiful noise in the back of his throat and tried to "I am so sorry... I got it all wrong. I'm horrible."

 

Tony didn't know what to say. Had he really been that horrible that Bucky had thought he had only been with him because of the arm? He was close to crying himself now. How had his planned pamper-day for Bucky turned into this? He held Bucky tightly, trying not to break down himself, he felt horrible.

"Bucky?" Tony asked softly after the other had calmed down a little bit, he only got a soft hiccup as an answer and that was enough for now. "Please let me show you how much I love you."

Another hiccup and Bucky lifted his head a little bit. "What do you mean?"

"Let me give you a massage."

Bucky tensed again.

"Please Bucky, I don't mind your scars, not the old ones and not the new ones."

"You haven't seen what it looks like."

"I don't care, Sunshine, the scars are part of you and therefore I love them. It's that simple. Please, Bucky." Tony slowly pulled away and with one finger pushed Bucky's face upwards to look at him. He wanted that Bucky saw how serious he was, wanted to look Bucky in the eyes and know that he believed him.

Bucky needed a moment before he even looked up, his eyes were trained on something over Tony's shoulder and he still couldn't breathe regularly. A few hiccups came up now and then. "You want me to take off my sweater?" Finally, his eyes met Tony's.

Tony smiled and stroked Bucky's cheek. "That's generally how a massage goes."

Bucky nodded and swallowed, he looked back down. His hand was still tangled in the collar of Tony's robe and his thumb stroked the soft fabric while he thought it through.

"Take your time," Tony assured him.

Ever so slowly Bucky let go of Tony's robe and grabbed the hem of his sweater. He took several deep breaths before he pulled the fabric up and over his head. He wasn't wearing anything underneath and the mass of scar tissue on his shoulder came into view before he even had his head pulled through the collar, but Tony didn't focus on that. Instead, he slowly helped Bucky pull the sweater off his arm, gently ran his fingers over the skin of his arm and over his chest.

Bucky wasn't looking at him, he had turned his head to the side and his long hair was obscuring his face but he was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Tony pushed forward, he let one hand wander up to Bucky's neck, his fingertips just brushing against his jaw. His other hand ever so slowly followed the curve of his left collarbone, the tiny bit that was left of it, before it dipped into the hole that had been left by the arm. There was still some padding of gauze, secured with a few strips of medical tape, in the middle.

Bucky shuddered and made a soft keening noise when Tony touched the new scar tissue.

"Does it hurt?" Tony asked before he went any further. Hurting Bucky was the last thing Tony wanted.

Bucky shook his head.

"Can I take this off?" He let his fingers brush against the medical tape to show Bucky what he meant. "Or is it still open underneath?"

Bucky shook his head again and swallowed hard, his adams apple bobbing visibly. "It's just...for protection." He said slowly.

Tony started to peel the tape away, one strip after another, careful to not irrated the sensitive skin. Bucky's breathing calmed down somewhat, but he was still tense, every muscle rock hard under Tony's hands. "Shhh, Bucky, I am not going to hurt you." He stopped for a moment, just letting his hands rest on Bucky's skin, feeling Bucky's heart beat furiously. "It's okay. Come on...let's lie down."

Softly, ever so softly, Tony pushed Bucky back and Bucky offered no resistance. Together they fell back onto the soft covers, lying sideways on the bed. Tony got up on his elbow and brushed the hair out of Bucky's face, then slowly leaned down and kissed him, but he didn't stop there, he let his mouth trail down Bucky's chin, feeling the ruff stubble there, down to Bucky's chest to the crevice between his pectoral muscles. He heard Bucky exhale loudly and felt him shudder under his lips. Tony moved on, pressing soft kisses to every spot he could find, he was slow and deliberate so that Bucky could stop him at any moment when it was too much for him but Bucky just lay there, unmoving except for his shuddered breathing. Tony's journey across Bucky's skin led him towards his damaged shoulder but he took a small detour to Bucky's left nipple, unscathed from HYDRA's butchery, but only barely. He gave it a few sensual kisses before moving back up. He didn't linger too long, he wanted this to be relaxing and comforting for Bucky, he was too vulnerable, too raw with emotions for Tony to feel comfortable inciting anything sexual.

Bucky's skin tasted mostly of desinfectant as Tony got closer to his shoulder, not surprising in the least and Tony didn't mind. He felt the texture change against his lips and was surprised how smooth the new scars were. He was glad he always kept his beard hair soft and pliable otherwise it would have been to scratchy for Bucky. He started with the old scars, the ones HYDRA had made, they were flatter and almost blended into the healthy skin but he could feel the difference with his lips and he pressed a kiss to every single one of them. Soon he came across a thicker, newer scar from an incision the surgeons had to make to peel back the skin from the metal underneath. There were several of them, surrounding Bucky's shoulder like rays of a sun. Tony knew there would be almost identical ones on Bucky's back as well.

Then when he was done trailing kisses along those came the big one, the hole where the arm used to be, the spot where Bucky's shoulder just stopped and dropped off. Tony didn't know how much feeling Bucky would have there, there were skin grafts and scars intersecting and criss-crossing everywhere, it was impossible to tell were one ended and another began. Nevertheless, it was beautiful to Tony and he worshipped every single one of them, one by one was covered in kisses and he took his time. Slowly he felt Bucky relax under his loving administration of kisses. His breathing evened out and Tony almost thought Bucky had fallen asleep but then he felt a hand steak under his robe and up his side. It made Tony halt is his efforts for a second.

"Don't stop." Bucky said quietly, his voice hoarse, and Tony didn't need to be told twice. He continued his advances, kissing Bucky's scars some more until he was certain he had covered every possible spot. Slowly he trailed his kissed back up over Bucky's shoulder and towards his neck. Bucky turned his head to the side giving Tony full access which Tony greedily used to peck every inch of skin from his collarbone to the sensitive area behind his ear. Bucky squirmed a little bit underneath Tony making a soft cooing noise, a certain sign that Tony was doing something right and Bucky was starting to enjoy himself.

When Tony moved back to Bucky's mouth Bucky responded in kind and reciprocate the kiss, his hand tangled in Tony's hair and held him still. He was so eager that Tony was gasping for air soon but barely had time to catch his breath before Bucky leaned in again to capture his mouth once more. Tony was lying flush against Bucky now, chest against chest, their legs tangled in their eagerness both of them not wanting to stop for long, just short breaths in between to get enough air to continue.

After an eternity they finally pulled away. Bucky's eyes were full of wonder and disbelief when he looked at Tony.

"Told you, I don't care," Tony said, grinning, feeling as flushed as Bucky looked. "How are you feeling?" He propped himself up on his elbows and brushed a few stray hairs away from Bucky's forehead.

"Better..." Bucky's hand was back at Tony's side, holding onto him. "Thank you, Tony, I'm sorry I was so ... - "

"Shhh." Before Bucky could say anything self-deprecating Tony put a finger over his mouth and stopped him. "It's alright." He cupped Bucky's cheek and rubbed his thumb over the coarse stubble there. "How about I give you that massage now?"

Bucky blinked, confused. "I thought...the kissing?"

Tony laughed and shook his head. "You can consider that the foreplay, now we come to the main event!"

They rearranged themselves on the bed so Bucky was propped up on several pillows, then Tony grabbed the massage oil and went to work to show Bucky just how much he loved him.


End file.
